I am shopping challenged, especially where things like pantyhose are concerned and guacamole recently joined the list. For years, I wore nylons and that meant I had to buy them because you know how long those suckers last. They last about as long as a bowl of guacamole at an open house. Inevitably, I would buy the wrong size or the wrong kind of nylons that is. When I was 120 pounds I didn't need control top, but somehow I would end up at home with queen size control top with the ugly toe part. Greg would tease me endlessly, and he still teases me about buying nylons even though I solved that problem. If you don't wear them you don't have to buy them. Amazing how simple that solution was.
Somehow buying nylons confused me and I went home with the wrong thing in my shopping bag at least eight out of every ten attempts. The displays were always a mystery to me, probably because other poor women before me were confused too and pulled out a package only to replace it in the wrong section. There were so many things to think about. There were charts with weight and height. If you sorted out that part, then you had to decide on the denier or thickness. Color came into play. Sandal toe or reinforced toe? Gusseted or not? Control top or as I called it, don't digest or breathe - top. Oh the options were endless. Is there anything at all that men shop for that is anywhere near as complicated?
Occasionally, my shopping problems spill over to other items. It happened on New Year's Day. Two hours were left on the clock until the first guests were expected. Dog hair was vacuumed up and dust banished with a Swiffer, at least momentarily. Kanti hair has a way of clinging to you and floating around. We frequently find it in unusual places even after prolonged and intense periods of cleaning. The dust? Well, I don't know why God made that stuff. It must have been a bad God day when that happened.
All was going well until I pulled the ready-made guacamole out of the fridge to put it into a pretty glass bowl. You all know the trick. Buy it prepared, plate it up, make it pretty, and viola entertain and feed the guests. Don't get all judgey on me. If you are expecting thirty guests and you aren't a professional cook or hiring a caterer, you'd be a fool not to use the trick. There were plenty of home-made magic meatballs and chicken wings in the oven heating up. Magic meatballs do not have any mood altering drugs in them, they are just so good that they have been nicknamed magic meatballs. I had no qualms about using a few tricks to supplement the menu and make life easier.
I had bought a box of guacamole at Costco. Everything you buy at Costco is about twice the size of what any normal human really needs. It never occurred to me to be concerned about the quantity of guacamole until I opened the box and discovered tiny little individual containers. There was more packaging in the box than there was guacamole. We were expecting a crowd and there was a mountain of taco chips to be eaten.
Few stores were open and the possibility of finding more guacamole was slim. I began pulling the plastic off and scooping out those crazy little containers, one by one, praying that God would work a guacamole miracle and multiply it enough to at least fill one bowl. There would be no refills but at least we would start with an adequate amount. I scraped guacamole out, one container at a time, leaving no trace of the green stuff behind. But before I started I did something typical of our time. I took a picture of all the little containers on the counter.
The picture was a reminder to me that life's not as simple as deciding not to buy nylons or weathering a guacamole shortage. We all have situations of our own or we are on the periphery of situations where things aren't going according to plan. Kind of like opening the guacamole box and facing something unexpected. Reach for love and laughter when you have those guacamole experiences. Be extra kind to yourself and those around you. Look for opportunities to bring love and laughter to others who maybe having a guacamole experience.
Somehow buying nylons confused me and I went home with the wrong thing in my shopping bag at least eight out of every ten attempts. The displays were always a mystery to me, probably because other poor women before me were confused too and pulled out a package only to replace it in the wrong section. There were so many things to think about. There were charts with weight and height. If you sorted out that part, then you had to decide on the denier or thickness. Color came into play. Sandal toe or reinforced toe? Gusseted or not? Control top or as I called it, don't digest or breathe - top. Oh the options were endless. Is there anything at all that men shop for that is anywhere near as complicated?
Occasionally, my shopping problems spill over to other items. It happened on New Year's Day. Two hours were left on the clock until the first guests were expected. Dog hair was vacuumed up and dust banished with a Swiffer, at least momentarily. Kanti hair has a way of clinging to you and floating around. We frequently find it in unusual places even after prolonged and intense periods of cleaning. The dust? Well, I don't know why God made that stuff. It must have been a bad God day when that happened.
All was going well until I pulled the ready-made guacamole out of the fridge to put it into a pretty glass bowl. You all know the trick. Buy it prepared, plate it up, make it pretty, and viola entertain and feed the guests. Don't get all judgey on me. If you are expecting thirty guests and you aren't a professional cook or hiring a caterer, you'd be a fool not to use the trick. There were plenty of home-made magic meatballs and chicken wings in the oven heating up. Magic meatballs do not have any mood altering drugs in them, they are just so good that they have been nicknamed magic meatballs. I had no qualms about using a few tricks to supplement the menu and make life easier.
I had bought a box of guacamole at Costco. Everything you buy at Costco is about twice the size of what any normal human really needs. It never occurred to me to be concerned about the quantity of guacamole until I opened the box and discovered tiny little individual containers. There was more packaging in the box than there was guacamole. We were expecting a crowd and there was a mountain of taco chips to be eaten.
Few stores were open and the possibility of finding more guacamole was slim. I began pulling the plastic off and scooping out those crazy little containers, one by one, praying that God would work a guacamole miracle and multiply it enough to at least fill one bowl. There would be no refills but at least we would start with an adequate amount. I scraped guacamole out, one container at a time, leaving no trace of the green stuff behind. But before I started I did something typical of our time. I took a picture of all the little containers on the counter.
The picture was a reminder to me that life's not as simple as deciding not to buy nylons or weathering a guacamole shortage. We all have situations of our own or we are on the periphery of situations where things aren't going according to plan. Kind of like opening the guacamole box and facing something unexpected. Reach for love and laughter when you have those guacamole experiences. Be extra kind to yourself and those around you. Look for opportunities to bring love and laughter to others who maybe having a guacamole experience.
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I rember the morning of my birthday, years ago, when I made Melitta filter coffee in a 1,5 liter thermoskan and I touch the filter unespected. All the wet coffeegrains all over the kitchen and the visitators to come within 15 minutes.
ReplyDeleteAnd do you ever buy two packets of the same pantyhoses? You can cut one defect leg of the two pantyhoses and make a third pair if you wear two over each other. Cut the leg under the thicker woven part of the pantyhose, and you will even have a warm bum.
Willemien, you made me laugh! Thanks for telling your coffee grounds story. And although a warmer bum might be nice in an Alberta winter, I hate pantyhose and so I won’t be trying that trick. 🙂
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